Stimulus is needed for our sense of ethics as well
You graced us with your visit last month … now what? Have your aides told you that people are starting to get really, really angry. Even my most liberal amigos are calling it quits and joining the Republican Party – you know, after the octuplets’ mom went national saying she received government help (but had a good $25 French manicure and botoxed forehead).
Mr. President, we need a National Ethics Awareness Campaign. PRONTO. Why? Because there are people – like my neighbors – whose custom, top-of-the-line-with-all-the-upgrades home was just foreclosed upon. No, not because they couldn’t make the payments. Because they D-e-c-i-d-e-d to stop making their payments entirely. My neighbors’ reasoning? Screw the banks; let them deal with the real estate crisis.
So here’s what my clever neighbors did with the money: four months ago, the wife went under the knife for a new, shapelier behind, breast augmentation and nice defined arms (like the new First Lady has). The husband bought a new SUV. And he’s paying less for it than I pay for my rickety minivan. They took a two-week cruise and put three months of mortgage payments … into their roll-over IRA!
Then they waited.
No, they weren’t kicked out of the house. Instead, they were referred to work with a local non-profit and a credit counselor. The house was given back to the bank and they walked away … just like that.
Now, even with their “damaged” credit, they are buying a home just down the block; a home they and I know was worth as much as ours six years ago. Now they’re buying it for 70 percent less. Me entiendes?
Our babysitter stopped by yesterday asking to borrow our radar detector. She was off to Disneyland for a well-deserved family vacation, but didn’t want to be caught speeding, or pay the expensive fines. She asked if I needed a loaf of bread or some veggies. I thought she was emptying her pantry of perishables because she’d be out of town. Oh no!!!
She had a trunk full of food boxes from local food banks. She was all packed to go on vacation to Disneyland, never mind she lives in Section 8 housing and that she was taking food from the depleted food banks to eat while visiting the Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty and Mickey Mouse!!! Are you listening? I mean, really? Is this the best we can do?
My retirement savings have magically disappeared. I haven’t vacationed since the 12th grade. I make the mortgage payments every single month. I send money to the public radio station, canned food to the food bank and gently-used work clothes to the domestic violence shelter. I’m tired; I can’t sleep at night; I look like crap.
Meanwhile, the octuplets’ mom looks more rested than I do. She must have some reassurance that I just don’t have.
Should I also steal from mortgage companies and food banks? I’m starting to see a pattern here … and then there’s big auto companies buying jets on our dime; and the brilliant fund managers getting big fat bonuses with bailout money.
Mr. President: Do something. Stimulate our economy, but also stimulate our sense of ethics. Rápido, por favor!