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Sex, lies, 1 Corinthians 13 … and the GOP

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Governor Sanford:

I hope you are recovering from the heartache and the embarrassment. I know you already feel like a moron and I’m certain that since the story of your affair broke you’ve been tempted to call Southwest Airlines to become their spokesperson for their “Want to get away?” campaign.

I just have to tell you how totally uncool it was for you to lie to your family and your constituents to pursue an affair with “María from Argentina,” and then lie about the lies.

In your rambling press conference you confessed that you had spent the last five days of your life crying in Argentina. …I’m sorry, but that’s the least you deserve, por caliente and self-righteous. Perhaps you can find solace with your fellow tonto cheater and GOP buddy, Sen. John Ensign of Nevada. At least you can say that, as a fiscal conservative, the return on your investment in the affair is greater than Ensign’s and that you didn’t have to bribe anyone …as he did; plus, you did pour your heart out to María …those emails are steamy! If you decide to quit or are forced out of office you should consider ghost-writing for Danielle Steele.

“I love the curves of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of night’s light.” OMG. I really don’t think your wife, Jenny, is going to forget this, or even worse when you wrote, “You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that is so fitting with your beauty.”

Ex-cuse–me! Hello! Just look at your wife and the way she has been handling herself and your pathetic lies in front of live TV while taking care of four young kids: with grace, calm and sophistication. Jenny is also beautiful and smart and she has helped you a lot. ….But oh, no! You wanted more and you had to ruin it for everyone else around you – including María. I’ve reminded my hubby that if he ever pulls a “Sanford maneuver” on me, I won’t be gracious or calm like Jenny. I’ll call Lorena Bobbitt in a second.

And then you also had to spill the beans on how Jenny feels about your mom. You mama’s boy! Grow up!

You had to tell María how different she was from Jenny and how loving and profound and deep she was, kind-a-like your mom. Yuck! Really!

“Have you been told lately how warm your eyes are and how they softly glow with the special nature of your soul. I remember Jenny, or someone close to me, once commenting that while my mom was pleasant and warm it was sad she had never accomplished anything of significance. I replied that they were wrong because she had the ultimate of all gifts — and that was the ability to love unconditionally.” Well, well… there you have it. I’m sure your mom will take you back … and María will, too, you know, since they are soooo loving .… unlike Jenny.

For the record: I don’t give a hoot about your personal and private life. That’s your business. Just remember the lessons you have learned in Patagonia while pretending to be on the Appalachian Trail next time that you want to inject GOP “values” in someone else’s life.

But oh, no! Righteous you; you had to tell María you consulted the Bible for advice as you “often do”….  “and in 1 Corinthians 13 it simply says that, “Love is patient and kind, love is not jealous or boastful, it is not arrogant or rude…” Coo-Coo.  You’re nuts, hombre.

I guess I now know why so many of your GOP friends insist on having God’s words everywhere (such as the Ten Commandments in courthouses) because you guys love to quote GOD and the Bible but you tend to forget the words.

I have an easy solution for you: just practice ethics as self love. Get it? If you don’t, just stick to this: You shall not lie!

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