Lola’s New Year’s Resolutions

Decrease Font Size Increase Font Size Text Size Print This Page

1. I will be a better friend. If my comadre Annette asks me if the skinny jeans she is wearing make her look like a badly tied chorizo, I won’t lie. She may appreciate the truthfulness.

2. I will become more engaged in the PTA. I’ll find the courage to tell the president, vice president, treasurer and secretary that there are more efficient ways to raise funds than to have 10 parents selling 25-cent popsicles and pencils before and after school. I’ll also tell them I know the silent auction at the holiday party was rigged. And that sucks.

3. I will be a better neighbor. Instead of sending an e-mail to the HOA to complain about the Martinez’s four pickup trucks parked in their driveway, or the plastic flowers adorning their lawn, I’ll volunteer to help them organize a yard sale to empty their garage and, as a present, I’ll buy them some real plants from the HOA-approved list.

4. I’ll donate more for scholarships. Instead of fuming over an organization giving scholarships to the friends or relatives of its board of directors, I’ll send them my two cents.

5. I’ll be more disciplined about my nest egg, for my kids’ sake. I’ll keep track and quantify all those “unofficial loans” to my tío Pepe, my nephews and my in-laws. I won’t finance luxuries people can’t afford. No exceptions.

6. I will be more assertive. Come September, instead of making excuses not to participate in the office’s hot salsa contest, I’ll suggest we add Chunky Pace Salsa and canned tomato purée to the list of banned ingredients.

7. I’ll be more politically active. I’ll add the links to the Arizona House and the Senate streaming video services to all my e-mails and Facebook page. If I attend a political rally in 2011, I won’t passively walk along the throngs of demonstrators; I’ll make and carry my own sign. And I’ll finally tell my cousin Adela why waving that gigantic Mexican flag of hers at immigration rallies is not a good idea.

8. I’ll be more resourceful. Instead of arguing with nouveau-riche, taxed-enough-already relatives over politics and the Obama administration, I’ll simply send them the bill for their share of what costs the other half of the family to keep tía Conchita off welfare.

9. I’ll keep up with fashion and upkeep my closet. I’ll break out of the habit of freecycling and wearing my friend Monica’s hand-me-downs from four seasons ago. If I must freecycle and purge my closet, I will only give and accept season-appropriate attire. What am I supposed to do with the summer dress she gave me last week? Store it for seven months? Mi casa may be su casa, but it’s not a Goodwill drop-off center.

And last, but not least … suggestions, anyone? Send them to

You must be logged in to post a comment Login