Janet, cuídate, we’re going to miss you

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Hello, Janet? It’s Lola calling.

I know you’re very busy with your big move to D.C., but I really, really, want to talk to you; since you haven’t been on the running trail or at yoga class lately, I figured I’d leave a voice mail.

First, woo-hoo. I’m soooo excited about your nomination. Go Ja-net! Go Ja-net! You’re going to be great heading the Department of Homeland Security. If you ask me, you’re exactly what the country needs: tough, smart, lots of corazón. I feel safer already.

I know, I know, my friends say I should be rooting for a Latina, not you. But I feel like you’re what we call Latino-adjacent. Tú sabes, como de la familia. Not a Latino wannabe, but someone who’s a friend to our community. You know?

Enough of that. As a working woman myself, I think your decision to take the job wasn’t just good for the country but a smart career move también. Not to mention, we need more mujeres on top.

Speaking of women who should be on top: I’m still not over Hillary’s loss, just so you know. I’m glad she’ll be handling the nation’s foreign affairs. (Ay, but let’s hope ese mañoso, Bill, doesn’t spoil things with his own affairs.)

Ay, Janet… I know going to Washington is good for you, and us women, and the nation. But I can’t help thinking about mi gente in Arizona. Think about it? Tu amigo, Russell Pearce, must be dancing in the aisles at the capitol and yelling, “Woo hoo! Janet’s gone! Brewer’s next! Break out the keg!”

So, Janet, do me a big favor before you leave town. Invite la Brewer over for a cafecito and offer her some advice.

Ask her not to ruin your strides on education. I’m worried about the people who can’t afford private schools. Remind her that she represents all the gente, including people like me, the little people, who work hard for a living.

As for the environment, we need to protect our endangered species, water, air. But that doesn’t mean the economy has to suffer. As my husband, Alberto, likes to say, “Green jobs equal greenbacks.”

You know Alberto, he is such a Republicano … remember he was a Democrat when I married him? I know, y tú sabes, people change. I love him the way he is; a real compassionate conservative. What really, really drives me nuts about Alberto is that he sometimes forgets his immigrant roots.

Speaking of immigrants, and before I forget … I read that Obama’s pick for U.S. Attorney General, Eric Holder, might be looking into Sheriff Joe’s immigration sweeps. Hummmm … Let’s see how Arpaio likes getting a dose of his own medicine.

I know, I know, Arpaio says his deputies never pull people over based on race or ethnicity. That’s like saying my Tía Cuca never spreads chisme she knows isn’t true.

Tía Cuca, she’s the Sarah Palin of our familia. She looks good in a skirt, but she’s not doing a lot to advance la causa de las mujeres. If Hillary cracked the glass ceiling, Palin and Tía Cuca are filling the cracks like Botox fills in my crow’s feet.

Well, Janet, I need to go. Cuídate, mujer.  Keep doing your yoga. Floss regularly so you don’t end up with angry gums like me. And don’t let those good ol’ boys push you around.

Remember, if they give you any trouble; tell them about your BIG familia. Bueno, bye! Un abrazo.

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