I’d rather be in the Nile than in denial
Listen, I need to cancel our cafecito. I’m taking some much-needed time off and will go incomunicada for a while. I wish I could tell you I’ll be traveling to the Nile Valley in Egypt, or de fregado Napa Valley, but no.
I’m taking time off to be home. Fully present at home, not just in and out as has become customary. I need to confront the ghosts that haunt me at night.
You know, the ones living in the spare bedroom closets, the kitchen cabinets and drawers and pretty much every other storage space in mi casa. This, my dear, will be a major feat and is something I haven’t done in quite some time.
I won’t even be back at the office until I confront the clutter head on and come out of the state of denial I’ve been living in for the past few years.
You see, I was raised to believe I can do a-n-y-thing I set my mind to. The thing is, because I do believe this to be the case, I’m drowning in a sea of evidence left behind by my “I can do it” attitude.
Exhibit A: 20-plus sticky notes reminding me of things to do throughout the house that have been in place for a while. They’re taped to different surfaces to prevent them from falling off, God forbid. You know, out of sight, out of mind.
This is on top of the reminders I’ve set on my smartphone, plus the family calendar on the fridge, plus the DON’T FORGET sign by the door intended as a final, fool-proof reminder, mostly for my viejo, that is longer than our wedding vows. It says things like:
MONDAY: Drop off stuff @ cleaners. Water play day for Kid A (pack snack, water shoes, swim trunks, towel, water bottle, sun block, cap & glasses) Karate day for Kid B (white karate shirt, shorts, tennis shoes).
TUESDAY: Pick up stuff from cleaners. Movie day for Kid A (wear camp t-shirt; water bottle). Book day for Kid B (take book, plus speech therapist will see her at camp – don’t forget speech folder. Leave at front desk with payment in envelope).
WEDNESDAY: Water play day for Kid B and dance class (pack snack, water shoes, swim trunks, towel, water bottle, sun block, cap & glasses. Take dance bag, dance slippers and tutu).
FRIDAY: Show and share for both kids. Prepare payment for yard service, cleaning lady, pest control guy.
SATURDAY: Swimming lessons for both kids (take goggles, cap, towels, water shoes, sun block and change of clothes).
Exhibit B: The “new” exercise equipment I bought three months ago is still boxed and collecting dust. This, because I haven’t had time to exchange the “new” one-size-too-small workout shoes I bought five months ago.
Exhibit C: The gadgetry and utensils in my kitchen I know I’ll never use. Like the two blenders and two food processors and two tortilla presses, and enough cookie sheets to set up a baked goods shop. The last time I made meatloaf was around Thanksgiving, and that’s all I’ve ever used the food processor for. Plus, even though I’m sure I can make tortillas, I’ve never made them in my life!
Exhibit D: My skinny and my fat wardrobe. I’ll spare you the details.
Wish me luck. And FYI, don’t get me any more Rosie the Riveter memorabilia. I know “I can do it.” Now I need the discipline to say, “If it doesn’t conduce to the greater good or to my personal realization, it doesn’t mean I have to.”
Hasta pronto, I hope.