Robrt L. Pela

Not your abuela’s otter pops

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Want to get loaded, but hate the taste of hooch? No problem. This is the 21st century, where getting drunk no longer means having to trouble yourself with messy cocktails, especially if you live in the Valley of the Sun, apparently the best place to test-market new ways of imbibing for the rum-and-Coke set.

Late last year, Phoenix became the first city in America where one might buy a popsicle laced with vodka or a carton of ice cream spiked with brandy. SnoBar, a new product line launched exclusively here by Santa Monica entrepreneur, Eddie Masjedi, offers an array of popsicles and ice creams crammed with booze. While SnoBar’s popsicle flavors include more adult-flavored fare like Margaritas and Cosmopolitans, the ice cream line is strictly for kids, with flavors including Grasshopper, Pink Squirrel and Brandy Alexander. Each popsicle or serving of ice cream is equivalent to a single cocktail of the same name.

Available at Total Wine stores around the Valley, SnoBars come with disclaimers (“Not for children!”) printed right on the box. The packaging features brightly colored graphics that scream “Nine-year-old girl!”, but at least there are no images of scantily-clad vixens gobbling up the product, as is the case with Pocket Chasers, an even newer product that is also designed to do away with the nasty taste of alcoholic beverages.

A Pocket Chaser is a quick-dissolving gel strip that is meant to replace limes, which, if you believe the product’s ad campaign, are an enormous bother to cut into wedges or to have to suck on before, or after, a tequila shot. Designed, according to its press release, “especially for those with a sensitivity to high-proof liquor,” these little lime-, orange- and lemon-flavored strips come in convenient foil pouches printed with the helpful legend, “Strip It ’n’ Slam It!” Their active ingredients combine to keep the nasty taste of alcohol at bay.

One can’t help but feel bad for all those tiny little umbrellas that will now go to waste.

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