Pocho Keen’s Manly Advice

If this Valentine’s Day finds you list­ing your rela­tion­ship sta­tus on Face­book as “Sin­gle” or even “It’s Com­pli­cated,” don’t turn to Dr. Phil; instead, try Dr. Pocho Keen.  OK, I’m not a real doc­tor, just a doc­tor of love. OK, not even that – but I’ll give it my best shot.

To assist, I turn to a dis­tin­guished older gen­tle­man, a mys­te­ri­ous and very inter­est­ing one.  You may have seen him in tele­vi­sion com­mer­cials for Dos Equis. When they’re on the air, I turn up the vol­ume and hush every­one around me.  “The Most Inter­est­ing Man in the World” makes me want to lis­ten so I can learn the ways of the master.

These clev­erly crafted Mex­i­can beer ads cap­ture the essence of being a man’s man, a macho Latin lover with rough-and-tumble good looks. He can be found in exotic loca­tions sav­ing bears from their traps or arm-wrestling mil­i­tary lead­ers while prof­fer­ing advice to men who wish they could be more like him. I often tell peo­ple that he is my tío because, well, I like to think that we’re related. Some­how, please, God.

He is, after all, the Most Inter­est­ing Man in the World.

Granted, most of the advice given by the man who can’t carry credit cards because of his mag­netic per­son­al­ity is tongue-in-cheek, but some of it is pretty good and is usu­ally deliv­ered in a way that makes you quick to oblige.  Here are a few of his words of wis­dom that can help in your quest to find and keep that per­fect Valentine.

To start, you want a good “how I met your mother” story, so stay away from the clubs. Neigh­bor­hood bars are OK, but if you’re bop­ping your head as you walk, then please keep reading.

Try to be sober when you make con­ver­sa­tion; if you’re the type that needs liq­uid courage, just pre­tend you’re talk­ing to your not-so-cute friend. This approach may also keep you from using cheesy pick-up lines. As The Most Inter­est­ing Man says, “There’s a time and place for them. The time is never; you can fig­ure out the place on your own.”

If you do get a date, don’t ask a woman to go rollerblad­ing. To that, he says, sim­ply, “No.”

On the sub­ject of dress, The Most Inter­est­ing Man offers, “Leave the tight pants to the ladies. If I can count the coins in your pock­ets, you bet­ter use them to call the tai­lor.” And if they’re pleated, donate them. Bet­ter yet, burn them. No one should wear them.

Women respond to suc­cess­ful men who are sat­is­fied with their life choices. To that end, he sug­gests, “Find out what it is in life that you don’t do well, and then, don’t do that thing.”  Espe­cially not in front of women.

Here are a few other sim­ple things you can do to make your­self more appeal­ing and even more inter­est­ing:

Learn how to cook. Ask your mom, or bet­ter yet, ask her mom to show you how to make her favorite meals.

While on roman­tic dri­ves, relin­quish con­trol of the radio. This one may sting, but it will keep your drive roman­tic. If she wants to lis­ten to Mariah Carey, let her. If you want to lis­ten to Mariah Carey, you can stop read­ing now.

When com­mu­ni­cat­ing, don’t talk too much or too loud and try not to point out the obvi­ous. Enough said.

Learn to play the gui­tar and be sure to learn the stan­dards, espe­cially the ones your mom loved. Fun songs are a bonus.  Lastly, on con­sump­tion:  Every­thing in mod­er­a­tion. As The Most Inter­est­ing Man likes to say, “I don’t always drink beer.”

And remem­ber, “It’s never too early to start beef­ing up your obituary.”