Learning Curve

Amateur pole dancers beware

Con­trary idea, we know, but pole dancers should con­sider pro­tec­tive gear. Granted, chi­cas will look like Lit­tle Miss Sun­shine while attempt­ing sexy maneu­vers on the pole, but check out these pole-dancing mishaps:

Pole Mishap No. 1: Teacher, a lit­tle help?

A would-be stu­dent in a pole-dancing work­out class in New York is suing the gym Crunch, LLC after she suf­fered a fall dur­ing her free trial class. She was slid­ing upside down on the pole when she lost her grip and fell to the ground, seri­ously injur­ing both her shoul­ders accord­ing to her lawyer. She is seek­ing unspec­i­fied dam­ages. Her suit alleges the instruc­tor left her unsu­per­vised and ignored her request for help. If you sign up for a pole-dancing class, we rec­om­mend you wear a hel­met and tell the teacher you are clue­less and need all the atten­tion you can get.

Pole Mishap No. 2: Me, too

A 28-year-old Mesa woman sus­tained sev­eral injuries after going mano a mano with a dance pole at an East Mesa bar dur­ing “Ladies Night.” The 10-foot pole col­lapsed, she fell, and she is suing the club. In addi­tion to the embar­rass­ment, she claims to have also suf­fered neck and shoul­der pain, depres­sion and anx­i­ety as a result.  That’s not all. Per­haps the worst part is that as the pole fell, she attempted to hold on to the jagged top, cut­ting off the tip of her ring fin­ger, which was never recov­ered and required recon­struc­tive surgery. For some rea­son, the ring fin­ger seems the worst digit she could have pos­si­bly injured. One is left to won­der if she can claim extra com­pen­sa­tion in her suit, as she’ll be reminded of the unfor­tu­nate event every time she looks at her engage­ment or wed­ding ring, if she wears one.

Pole Mishap No. 3: Booby-trap injury

A 35-year-old man was enjoy­ing an exotic dancer’s pole-dance per­for­mance at the Booby Trap, a clev­erly named strip club in Pom­pano Beach, Florida, when the dancer’s shoe “flew off” (super-duper plat­form shoes, we assume). The shoe hit the mir­rored ceil­ing, then landed on the man, shat­ter­ing glass onto him as well. He filed a law­suit claim­ing the estab­lish­ment “breached its duty” when its employee “failed to per­form her rou­tine in a rea­son­ably safe man­ner.” The suit seeks at least $15,000 in dam­ages and claims the man suf­fered a small cut to his eye­brow, headaches, and nose­bleeds from the incident.

Oh, the trauma.

¡Ay Caramba!

We found a Peek­a­boo Pole Danc­ing Kit for $79.99 on www.amazon.com. We can’t help but won­der why a pole-dancing kit, com­plete with garter and 100 make-believe dol­lar bills, would be listed under the Health & Per­sonal Care cat­e­gory.

Prod­uct descrip­tion high­lights, ver­ba­tim: Peek­a­boo Pole Danc­ing kit

An incred­i­ble exer­cise and fun device for bring­ing out your wild or mild side in the pri­vacy of your own home!

Learn moves from book­let The Peek­a­boo Pole Danc­ing game comes with it’s very own book of Peek­a­boo Dance moves to get you started. […] Put on some music, shake your booty and earn a for­tune in Peek­a­boo Cash.

Includes: *A Peek­a­boo Dance Garter. *One hun­dred Peek­a­boo dol­lars. *Dance Man­ual of ten Peek­a­boo Dance Moves. Set comes in gift pack­ag­ing, but will be dis­creetly packaged.

There’s a Peek­a­boo Lap Dancer in all of us and the Peek­a­boo kit aims to help you find it, from set­ting the scene with peek-a-preparation, choos­ing a sexy peek-a-name to plan­ning out your lat­est routine.

Open up the box, and learn all the moves in in the detailed man­ual, slip on the sexy Peek­a­boo garter pro­vided, turn on some music and away you go!!!

Note: The Peek­a­boo Pole is not a pro­fes­sional dance pole, do not lean or swing on the pole using your entire body weight.

And in case you were won­der­ing, cus­tomers who bought this item also bought, among other how-to tuto­ri­als, The Com­plete Idiot’s Guide to Exotic and Pole Danc­ing Illus­trated (Paperback).